Below is a short discussion inspired by the episode, "Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart", of On Being with Krista Tippett, featuring Brené Brown.

True belonging never requires us to be inauthentic or change who we are. Instead, it demands who we are.

If we have to compromise our values to fit in, then we don’t truly belong. Dr. Brené Brown, renowned researcher, professor, and podcast host, says that while we do need to connect with others, we shouldn’t do so at the expense of our own true selves.

What then is true belonging?

1. We are all innately connected. Make the effort to engage with others and find a connection with them.

2. We should keep trying to speak up against barriers to belonging. Keep speaking up about the things you believe in, even when it's difficult to do so.

3. We should have strong backs, soft fronts, and wild hearts. Be brave enough to be vulnerable. Let people see you and know you for who you really are.

4. We can build authentic connections, even with strangers. Nurture a genuine connection with the people around you. Hold space for others in your life, and step into the space they make for you in theirs.

When we are true to ourselves and open, curious, and kind to others, we form real bonds. We learn how to listen, just as we ourselves would want to be heard.

the distilld lessons

Here are the distilld lessons from the On Being episode, "Strong Heart, Soft Front, Wild Heart" featuring Brené Brown.

Dr. Brené Brown says “belonging” and “fitting in” are not the same. “Fitting in” forces us to change ourselves so we can be accepted, while true belonging only requires our authenticity.

It’s not worth keeping a connection if we lose our true selves in the process. This is where loneliness comes from - a sense of not belonging because of inauthenticity.

We can overcome loneliness only by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable because we feel connected to those who have also had the courage to stand up for what they believe in.

True belonging lies in the ability to stand alone when needed. We do not have to change or be inauthentic. Rather, the most important part is to remain true to our personal values and beliefs.

Speak up against injustice. Keep talking about the things you believe in, even if it goes against the system.

Have a strong back. Be courageous enough to stand for yourself and your values, even if you find yourself alone.

Have a soft front. Be vulnerable enough to reach out to others, even those who might not share your own beliefs.

Have a wild heart. Live without fear. Be brave enough to be adventurous, but always know where your boundaries lie.

Hold hands, even with strangers. Belonging is inherent in us. Sometimes we forget that, but that connection with others is always there. We just have to find it again.

Sometimes in moments of fear or oppression, it's hard to connect with others. Do this by finding ways to come together as a community. Find the connection in moments of collective joy and pain.

True belonging doesn't happen in isolation. By holding space for others, we’re letting them into our lives. At the same time, we’re giving them the courage to let us into theirs.

Allow yourself to see others, just as you would want to be seen. Learn how to listen, just as you would want to be heard. That moment of connection is true belonging.

Applying It

• Be open to dialogue. Acknowledge that we are all connected somehow, but there are many differences that separate us. When we take the time to understand what makes us different, we achieve true belonging.
• Never compromise yourself to fit in. No “relationship” is worth you letting go of values you hold dear. True belonging comes only when you are authentic to yourself.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Make connections and hold space for each other to be heard with open hearts and minds.
• Know your boundaries. This is what trust is built on – being open to and respecting each other’s limits.

For a more in depth conversation, the distilld lessons (extended) are here.